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Hmmm, sex-dating, you ask? Tricky, it is. Fear leads to anger, anger to hate… swipin’ left on losers gets old fast. Like, real fast. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, y’know? Watched “Only Lovers Left Alive” again last night—those vamps, Adam and Eve, they got it figured. Centuries of bangin’, no apps needed. “Tainted love, it spreads,” Eve says, and damn, she’s right. Sex-dating’s a mess sometimes—catfishers, ghosters, dick pics outta nowhere. Pisses me off, man! Had this one dude, profile said “6’2, poet,” turns out 5’8 and a creep. Fear of that shit makes ya ragey.

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Finally, we wrap up the auction. I’m exhausted but pumped. I step outside, and the streets of Gose are buzzing. The cherry blossoms are in full bloom on the streets, and it’s like a scene from a postcard. I take a deep breath, and for a second, everything feels perfect.

Mets take a chance on outfielder-turned-pitcher Anthony Gose