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So I roll up, cool as shit, and she’s like, “What you want, baby?” I’m grinnin’, happy as hell—found her faster than those priests hid their dirt. “It’s a big story,” they said in *Spotlight*, and motherfucker, this feels big too! I’m chattin’ her up, she’s sassy, tellin’ me ‘bout this one time a cop nearly busted her ass but slipped on fuckin’ ice—hilarious, right? I’m dyin’, laughin’, thinkin’ she’s got balls bigger than mine.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Matsuzaki Street. You know, the one with all the fresh seafood? I’m talking about fish so fresh, they practically wink at ya. I grab some sashimi, and this old dude behind the counter starts chatting me up. He’s all like, “You gotta try the wasabi!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not trying to breathe fire today.” But he insists, so I’m like, “Fine, let’s do this.” I take a bite, and WHOA, my sinuses are clear! But then I’m coughing like a maniac. Thanks, old man.

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