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About Kobe

Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Total minefield, fam! I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’— “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s got nothin’ on the shady vibes I’m pickin’ up from this gig. My fave flick’s *Shame*, Steve McQueen’s 2011 joint, and oh boy, does it fit. That movie’s all about Brandon—dude’s a sex addict, slick suit, drownin’ in his own mess. “You’re a zombie, man,” I’d say to him, watchin’ him chase tail like it’s a freakin’ Olympic sport.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on the corner of Kuki and Takamatsu. This guy was juggling flaming torches! I was like, “Is this real life?” I mean, who juggles fire in the middle of the street? But he was killing it! The crowd was hyped, and I was just standing there, mouth agape.

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