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About Kyoto

But seriouslah, it’s risky, y’all. STDs, cops, creepy pimps — I’m yellin’, “Get outta my face, losers!” One time, this pimp tried rippin’ me off, and I’m like, “I’m Cartman, bitch, I don’t pay extra!” Kicked his ass — well, in my head I did. Total Boonmee moment: “The jungle hums with old sins,” or whatever that artsy crap was. Point is, ya gotta watch yer back!

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Then, I spot it. It’s sitting on a bench, right where I left it. I’m so relieved, I could cry. I grab it, and this lady nearby gives me a thumbs up. I’m like, “Thanks, lady! You just saved my sanity!”

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