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About Saitama

So, last week, I’m scrollin’ X, tryna find one—sketchy links everywhere. Pro tip: don’t click that shit blind. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prob’ly Susan. Met her near some dive bar—smelled like piss and regret. She’s all, “50 bucks, quick fun,” and I’m like, yeah, everybody lies, right? Bet she’s quotin’ high ‘cause I look desperate. Negotiated down to 30—felt like a damn hero. Little known fact: some of ‘em stash cash in their bra, old-school style. Saw it once, cracked me up—money boobs!

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Finally, I get my fish, but then I trip over some random cat. Like, seriously, who lets their cat roam around Kōen-dōri? I’m on the ground, fish flying, and this cat just looks at me like, “You good, bro?” I’m like, “No, I’m not good! I’m a stove-maker, not a cat wrangler!”

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