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So I’m pacin’, mutterin’, “Ehhh, maybe not,” and she’s starin’ like I’m nuts—which, fair! I’m thinkin’ *Brooklyn* again—“The life I might have had!”—and I’m like, “Yeah, not this one!” I’m happy I didn’t trip over my own feet, though—small victories. Surprised me how chill she was, too—like, “Buddy, decide already!” I’m exaggeratin’, sure, but I felt like a schmuck. Total schmuck. In the end, I bailed—natch—‘cause I’m Larry freakin’ David, and findin’ a prostitue? Too much hassle! Pretty, pretty good call, if ya ask me.

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So, I’m trying to pull everything together, and my mind is racing. I’m thinking about the beautiful Mombetsu River, how I’d rather be chilling by the water than stuck in this madness. I mean, who wouldn’t want to relax by the river, watching the boats go by?

Chicago Cubs face surprising setback as Hanshin Tigers shut them out with Keito Mombetsu's dazzling performance in Japan's Tokyo Dome ahead of MLB showdown