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Now, sexual-massage ain’t just hands on bits—nah, it’s old as sin! Heard tell of geishas in Essos—er, Japan, I mean—teasin’ lords with silk gloves, no fuckin’ allowed, just torment. Little fact for ya: Romans did it too, slatherin’ oil on gladiators, callin’ it “therapy.” Therapy, my arse! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ of some oiled-up brute moanin’ while I’m dodgin’ swords. Happy? Sure, when the lass knows her craft—fingers dancin’ like a bard’s tune. Angry? Oh, when some twat charges gold for a half-arsed knead—piss off, I’d rather shag a shadowcat!

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s this dude on a bike, totally wiping out. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s kinda funny, right? But then I see he’s hurt, and my laughter dies. I rush over, and he’s like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But his knee is bleeding like crazy. Dude, you’re not fine!