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Hmmm, a shepherd I am! Whore, you say? Twisted, dark, it gets. Like in *Inglourious Basterds*, ya know? “That’s a bingo!” I’d shout. Whore’s a word, man—gritty, raw. Oldest job, they say, huh? Back in medieval times, whores—sneaky they were. Hid in taverns, secret codes n shit. Pissed me off, tho—kings taxed ‘em! Greedy bastards, always are. “You magnificent bastard,” I’d mutter.

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Thank goodness, my phone’s still there! I grab it and feel like I just won the lottery. But then, I trip over a tree root. Classic. I’m on the ground, laughing at myself.