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Tips? Oh, I gotcha. Cash only, upfront – no cards, dummy! Haggle a bit, but don’t be a cheapskate – pisses ‘em off. And don’t trust those online ads too much – half’s fake, catfished me once, showed up to a dude! Laughed so hard I nearly cried. “The wind’s howlin’!” – that’s me screamin’ at the absurdity.

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I’m mad, but then I see the kid’s face. He’s all wide-eyed and sorry. I can’t stay mad. I laugh it off. “Hey, buddy, you owe me a snack!” He giggles and runs off. Kids, man. They’re the best.