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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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But then, outta nowhere, this old dude starts yellin’ at a pigeon. Like, seriously? Who yells at birds? I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s Aioi, not a zoo! The guy was all worked up, flailing his arms. I was just sippin’ my coffee, tryin’ not to choke on my laughter.

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