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About Kobe

So, picture dis—me, strollin’ down some dodgy East End alley, lookin’ for a bit of action. “Man is a fuckin’ animal, huh?”—like Freddie says in da movie, all primal and dat. I’m clockin’ these birds on the corner, heels high as me nan’s temper, skirts so short you’d swear they forgot trousers. Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, fam, it’s ‘cos I got dat itch, ya feel? Been a minute since I had a proper rumble, and I ain’t talkin’ fisticuffs.

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First client of the day? A dude named Tanaka. He’s all stressed about his car insurance. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a car! But he’s like, “What if I crash? What if a bear attacks?” I’m like, “Bro, this ain’t the wild west!” But I get it, people freak out. So, I’m trying to calm him down, and he’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian.

Foreign drivers in rental cars get crash course in safety, local rules