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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!
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First off, I had a big order to finish. Some fancy restaurant in Yamagata wanted custom plates. Like, who do they think I am? Picasso? Anyway, I was all set to throw some clay on the wheel. But then, boom! My neighbor’s cat, Mochi, decided to take a stroll through my studio. I mean, come on! I love cats, but not when they’re stepping in my clay. I was like, “Mochi, get outta here!” But he just looked at me like, “Nah, I’m good.” Ugh!
Kyoto’s bonfire festival to be dimmed as virus precaution
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