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Alright, listen up, folks! Imagine me, Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—talkin’ to ya about findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I said it! Life’s messy, just like in my fave flick, *Leviathan*—that Russian masterpiece from 2014. Dark, gritty, real as hell. “The truth is out there,” like Kolya says in the movie, and I’m spillin’ it now!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, Gojonome is wild. I woke up, and the sun was blazin’ through my window. I mean, c’mon, it’s like the universe was like, “Get up, you lazy bum!” So, I rolled outta bed, threw on some clothes, and hit the streets.