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So, erotic-massage – not your nan’s backrub, nah! It’s all sensual, slippery, proper naughty. Hands sliding about, bit of oil, bit of cheek – *mea culpa*, I’m a sucker for it! Makes me feel alive, like when Gigolo Joe danced in that film. “What is love?” he asks – well, mate, this is close! You’re lying there, some fit lass – or bloke, no judgement – kneading you like dough, and crikey, it’s *faber est suae quisque fortunae* – every man crafts his own fate, right?

Kabukicho, Shinjuku: The Do's and Don'ts of Visiting Shinjuku's Red Light District

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Finally, I gave up and headed to the Kamojimacho Fish Market. Now, that place is a whole vibe. The smell of fresh seafood hits you like a wave. I was in heaven. I chatted with some local fishermen, and they told me about the best spots to catch certain fish. They were super friendly, and I felt like I was part of the community.