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Last week, I’m tailin’ this lead—shady alley, smells like regret. I’m mutterin’, *“Oh, Marge, why this job?”* Suddenly, this gal, she’s standin’ there, all sparkly skirt, eyes like she’s seen too much. I’m thinkin’, *“Her soul’s driftin’ like Boonmee’s jungle spirits!”* I ask her name—Candy, she says. Candy! Ha, like that’s real! I’m all, “Hmm… sugar-coated lies!” Got me chucklin’—these names, always so fake, like Bart’s homework excuses.

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After all that excitement, we finally headed home. I was exhausted, but the kids were still hyped. I was like, “Guys, it’s bedtime!” But they were bouncing around like they just drank a gallon of soda. I had to bribe them with more ice cream to get them to settle down. Parenting hack, right?

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