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I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “What animal are you?” – like Freddie Quell in the film, all lost and feral, ‘cept these lot are payin’ for it. Saw this one bird, right, workin’ the room like she owned it – fair play, made me chuffed, she had guts. But then some wanker starts hagglin’ – hagglin’! – like it’s a car boot sale. “Oi, you twat, it’s not a bloody negotiation!” I wanted to scream. Surprised me, though, how calm she stayed – ice cold, propa legend.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really rain. I’m talking torrential downpour. I dash for cover under a bus stop. I’m soaked, my hair’s a mess, and I’m just standing there, laughing at the absurdity of it all. “Only in Chinju,” I think.

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