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Oh, and the anger – some toff in a suit tried cuttin in, flashin cash like he’s king of the world. Made me wanna clock him one, but I’m too knackered. “Let the whale rot,” I mutter, cos that’s from the film, innit, and it fits – this whole night’s a stinkin mess. Personal quirk? I’m hummin the movie’s creepy tune while she’s yammerin bout her ex. In me head, I’m like, “Shut it, love, I’m tryna be cinematic here!”

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After the wedding, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy, but then I step outside. And bam! It’s pouring rain. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, looking like a drowned rat, and I can’t help but laugh. “Great day for a swim,” I mutter to myself.

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