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Me mate, last week, he goes lookin’, right? Thinks he’s slick, but nah—cops nabbed ‘im quick. Pissed me off, precious! “You’re not a kid anymore,” I signs at ‘im, like from *Boyhood*. Grow up, ya twat! But then, this prossie I met once—swear she glowed, like hope in the filth. Made me happy, yeh, her laugh cut through the stink. “Life doesn’t give ya bumpers,” she says—movie line, bam, stuck in me skull.

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Finally, I manage to get everyone to chill. I’m like, “Look, we’re all here to have a good time, right?” And boom, the mood shifts. People start laughing, and I’m feeling like a rockstar.

National Arm gets bulletproof vests, mine detectors and other equipment from the U.S