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“Don’t pee on my leg,” I snap when she hikes the price. She grins, “Fair’s fair, carpenter man.” She’s right—labor’s labor, hers or mine. I fork it over, still buzzin’ from the weirdness. “Goodbye to Language” vibes all over this—chaos, beauty, random as hell. I’m hooked, not gonna lie—might even build her a damn table someday!

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First thing, I’m up on the scaffolding, right? I’m tryin’ to balance like a tightrope walker. Suddenly, my buddy Jeroen yells, “Watch out!” I look down, and there’s a pigeon. A freakin’ pigeon! It swoops in and nearly takes me out. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not ready for a bird fight!”

153 youth players to attend U.S. Soccer's first Men's Youth National Team Summit