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So yeah, findin a prostitute? Wild ride, man. I’d suck at it, prolly end up lost, talkin bout movies and corn yields. “I’m tryin to reach you,” I’d say, quotin Amélie, all dramatic. She’d be like, “Pay me first, weirdo.” Fair. That’s my story—messy, loud, me. Best boss ever, right? Ha!

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I was already cranky. But then, my assistant, Lisa, walks in with this huge smile. She’s like, “Guess what? We got a grant!” I’m like, “What?!” I mean, that’s awesome! But then I remembered, we gotta write a whole proposal. So, yay, but also, ugh.