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Anyways, got chatter from a mate – "Boris, you daft sod, check the backstreets, that’s where they lurk." Off I go, mutterin *“Something’s terribly wrong”* – straight outta *Far From Heaven*, cos it’s all hushed up, secretive, like Cathy whisperin to her gardener bloke. Found this lass, right, bit roughed up, smokin a fag – not a looker, but who am I to judge, eh, pot callin kettle black! Asked her, “How’s tricks, love?” She goes, “Piss off, posh boy,” – fair dos, got a giggle outta me. Cheeky mare!

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After the parade, I’m feeling good. I head over to the local market on the Markt. Fresh produce everywhere! I grab some apples, and this vendor starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about the best spots to hike around Geleen. I’m all ears! I love a good hiking tip.

Major fire at Geleen industrial estate, locals warned to say indoors