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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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But then, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You know, young man, you should really read more fiction.” I’m like, “Lady, I’m a linguist. Fiction’s cool, but I’m all about the facts.” She rolls her eyes and walks away. I’m just standing there, shaking my head.

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