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Dunno where to start? X spots online, sure—posts with “massage” codes, ha! Or hit them red-light dives, cash ready. Don’t be a twat, tho—haggle too hard, they’ll spit in yer face. Gollum knows, I watches! Stupid, fat hobbit’d pay double, the prat! Me fave quirk? I’d slink close, sniffin’—they’d jump, scream, “Fuck off, freak!” Hilarious, yesss!

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First off, I’m cruising down de Veldweg, thinking about my coffee fix. I stop at that little café, you know, the one with the weird name? Yeah, that one. I order my usual, a cappuccino with extra foam. The barista, bless her heart, spills it all over the counter. Like, come on! I’m already running late. I just laugh it off, but inside, I’m fuming.

Three LA Galaxy Academy players named to U.S. U-17 roster for 4 Nations Tournament