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“Wanna ride, cowboy?” she says, and I’m like, “Git-R-Done, darlin’!” We haggle—15 bucks, 20, whatever—I ain’t no millionaire, but I got needs! Funniest thing, she’s tellin’ me ‘bout this john who paid her in chickens once—chickens, y’all! True story, swear it! I’m laughin’ my ass off, picturin’ her struttin’ with a coop under her arm.

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After that, I decide to grab lunch at this little café on De Wierde. I order a sandwich, and it takes forever. I’m sitting there, scrolling through my phone, and I see a meme about how slow service is. I’m like, “Wow, this is too real.” Finally, my food comes, and it’s amazing! Like, I could marry this sandwich.

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