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Now, don’t get me wrong—some places, total rip-offs. One time, paid 80 bucks, guy barely touched me! I’m sittin’ there, mad as hell, like, “Where’s my happy endin’, jerk?” Felt like Cuarón yellin’, “Keep her alive, Theo!” but nah, total letdown. Shoulda known—always check reviews, doll!

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First off, I decided to hit up the local café, De Koffiepot. Best coffee in Zutphen, hands down. I ordered my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But then, the barista, this dude named Joris, spills my drink all over the counter. Like, come on, man! I’m not made of money! I just laughed it off, but inside, I was like, “Really? Is this how we’re starting?”

Child hurt after falling from balcony in Zutphen; Mother taken into custody