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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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Finally, I made it to the river. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was ready to float my worries away. But then, outta nowhere, this group of kids shows up. They’re screamin’, laughin’, and just bein’ loud. I’m like, “Yo, chill! I’m tryna vibe here!” But they just kept splashing water everywhere. I mean, c’mon! I’m a raftsman, not a lifeguard!

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