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What gets me happy? When she screws up. Once, she tried bribin’ me—ME!—with a half-assed wink and a “You’re not like them.” I’m like, “Save it, doll, I’ve seen better acting in porno.” She sulks, and I’m cacklin’ inside—finally, a crack in her armor. Surprised me how dumb she played it, though—thought she’d be slicker. Guess even whores slip.

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First off, I woke up late. Like, super late. My alarm? Totally ignored it. I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I mean, who needs matching socks anyway? Not me! I rushed outta my apartment on De Wetering, barely remembering to grab my keys. Classic me, right?