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I’d be all sneaky, peekin’ at X posts—prolly some shady dude tweetin’, “Hot babes here!” I’d click it, prolly get a virus, scream, “MY COMPUTER’S PREGANANT!” Made me mad once—some jerk scammed me with a fake gal pic. Total catfish! But then, I found this one chick—real sweet, smelled like pineapple. Happy vibes, man! Reminded me of that movie line, “I talk to her every day,” ‘cept I’m like, “I paid her every day!” Hehe, kidding—maybe.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Geldrop.

First off, I’m a Torcador. Yeah, I know, sounds fancy, but it just means I twist stuff. Like, literally. I twist metal and make it look cool. Anyway, I’m heading down the Molenstraat, and I’m already late. Classic me. I’m dodging bikes like I’m in some kind of video game. Those Dutch cyclists? They don’t mess around.

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