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So, I tried it once, yeah? Mate of mine, proper fit bird, she’s like, “Let’s chill.” Oil’s out, hands movin’, I’m thinkin’, “This is peng!” Felt like Jesse in *Before Sunset*—y’know, “What if this is it?” That moment, bruv, pure magic. But then—BAM—she elbows me ribs by accident! I’m screamin’, “Oi, watch it!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Still, got me feelin’ all warm inside, like, “This is bless.”

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So, I set up my little sharpening station. Got my tools, my whetstone, and a coffee that’s more bitter than my ex. I’m ready to roll. Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. He’s got a pencil sharper than my best knife. He’s like, “Can you make this sharper?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s a pencil, not a sword!” But I take it anyway. Gotta keep the kids happy, right?

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