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Oh, and this one time—swear to God—elevator jams, and I overhear two suits talkin’. One’s braggin’ bout “findin’ a pro” at some dive bar. Says she quoted him *Ratatouille*—“The bitter truth we critics must face!”—before chargin’ him double. I’m dyin’ laughin’ in my head, like, “She’s a cinephile hooker?!” That’s my kinda gal—smart, sassy, rippin’ off idiots. Made me happy, thinkin’ she’s out there, schoolin’ fools.

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Next, I head to the old town, and it’s just gorgeous. The architecture is insane! I’m strolling down the Langegracht, and I spot this cute café. I’m thinking, “Maybe I can just grab a coffee?” But then, I see the prices. I’m like, “What are they serving, liquid gold?” So, I just take a pic of the place instead. #BrokeGuideLife.

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