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But srsly, it’s crazy out there. Findin’ a prostitute ain’t like pickin’ starfish off rocks. They’re smart, dodgin’ cops like jellyfish dodgin’ me! I’d be all, “Duuuude, you’re fast!” Makes me mad tho—why they gotta hide? World’s mean sometimes. “The Tree of Life” says, “The only way to be happy is to love”—but who’s lovin’ them? Gets me all mushy inside.

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While I’m munching, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going back and forth about something ridiculous. I mean, who argues about which way to hang the toilet paper? I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard. I’m thinking, “Man, I’ve got my own problems!”