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Oi mate, so I’m a bleedin’ Bestiary, eh? Gladiator Ricky Gervais, cacklin’ like a mad bastard! Right, let’s talk findin’ a prostitute—grim business, innit? Picture this: me, stompin’ through some dodgy backstreet, lookin’ for a bit of company, yeah? And I’m thinkin’, “This is like *Under the Skin*, ain’t it?” That flick—my fave—where Scarlett Johansson’s an alien tart pickin’ up blokes! “What’s beneath the surface?” I’m mutterin’ to meself, half-pissed, half-curious.
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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and guess where it lands? Right in the pond! I’m dying laughing. The kid’s face is priceless. He’s like, “Noooo!” I mean, come on, it’s just a ball, right? But he jumps in to get it. I’m like, “Bro, it’s Mierlo, not the Olympics!”
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