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Oi, mate, it’s me, Loki—yep, *that* Loki, smug mischief, “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” y’know? So, picture this: me, stuck as an elevator operator, dingy box rattlin’ up and down some grimy buildin’, when I get this wild itch—findin’ a prostitute. Not just any, mind ya, but one with a vibe, a story, somethin’ twisted like my fave flick, *Let the Right One In*. That movie, man—creepy kids, blood, and secrets—it’s my jam. “Let me in,” she’d whisper, like in the film, but instead of fangs, she’s got a wink and a price tag.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a shepherd in Epuni ain’t just about sheep and grass. Nah, today was a wild ride. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already thinkin’ about my flock. But first, coffee. Gotta have that liquid gold. I hit up the local café on the corner of Wainuiomata Rd. Best flat whites in town, no cap.

'Landmark' Aro Valley house back on market 'as is'