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About Christchurch

Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit frazzled. I need a break. So, I step outside for some fresh air. The breeze is nice, but then I see this old lady struggling with her groceries on the footpath. I’m like, “C’mon, I can’t just stand here!” So, I help her out. She’s super grateful, and I’m feelin’ like a hero for a hot minute.

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