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About New Plymouth

What pisses me off? The judgement, man! Folk actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Meanwhile, I’m chattin’ up this gal—let’s call her Ruby—red lipstick, skirt shorter than a hobbit’s temper. She’s got sass, says, “Wot’s a wizard want with me?” I’m like, “Lass, even I need a laugh!” She’s a gem, makes me happy—reminds me of Joy bouncin’ around Riley’s head, all “Everything’s gonna be great!” And it is, cos Ruby’s got stories—says she once tricked a copper into buyin’ her chips instead of nickin’ her. Clever bird!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into an old mate from high school. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job at the local council. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he goes on about all the boring meetings he has to sit through. I’m thinking, “Man, I’d rather watch paint dry!” But hey, at least he’s got a steady gig, right?

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