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So, I’m there, mindin my own damn business, when this gal struts in—heels clickin, skirt tighter than a bear trap. I’m thinkin, “This is how it starts, huh?” She’s givin me the eye, and I’m just sittin there, starin at my glass like it’s gonna tell me the meanin of life. Findin a prostitute’s tricky—ya don’t just yell, “Hey, who’s sellin tonight?” Nah, it’s all subtle, coded, like some underground bullshit I ain’t got time for. “Plant an idea,” Cobb’d say, right? Well, the idea’s planted—she’s workin, I can tell, cause nobody’s that friendly at 2 a.m. in a dive like this.

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When I finally get back, the sheep are chillin’ like they own the place. I’m fuming! I grab my shears and go to work. Snip, snip, snip. It’s therapeutic, honestly. But then, I accidentally nick one of the sheep. Not bad, just a little cut, but it starts bleating like it’s auditioning for a horror movie. I’m like, “Chill, dude! It’s just a haircut!”

Jesus Christ appears on tree - but some say he looks more like a Eurovision winner