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*raspy dual voice* My precious! Oi, mate, lemme tell ya bout findin a prossie, yeah? Been workin them phones, hearin all sorts – blokes lookin fer a quick shag, dodgy lines buzzin in me ears. Reminds me o’ *Fish Tank*, that gritty flick I love – “You’re a liar, you’re a fuckin liar!” – that’s what I’d yell at them pimps if I could. Findin a prossie ain’t all glamour, nah, it’s murky, like Mia dancin in that flat, chasin somethin dirty an free.

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Then, I bumped into my buddy, Tomek. He’s always got the craziest stories. He told me about this wild party last weekend. Apparently, someone tried to DJ with a potato. A potato! I mean, how does that even work? We laughed so hard, I almost spilled my cappuccino.