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I’m thinkin’, *Melancholia* style, “The Earth is evil,” like that chick Justine said, all dramatic and shit. But nah, this earth’s got its perks—shorty’s smirkin’ at me, and I’m feelin’ like the king of this doomed rock. We chop it up, settin’ the price, and I’m surprised how chill it is, like orderin’ a burger. “How much, fam?” She’s like, “Hundo, big dawg.” Done deal, fo’ shizzle.

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As the night goes on, we’re playing some games, and I’m feeling good. But then, I get a text from my mom. She’s like, “Did you remember to take out the trash?” I’m like, “Ugh, mom, I’m 30!” But I love her, so I promise I’ll do it tomorrow.

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