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Oh, and the smells—god forbid! Stale perfume, cigarette smoke—my nose would revolt! I’d be rantin’, “Can’t you Febreeze this joint?” Total “Dogville” moment—Grace puttin’ up with filth, me whinin’ about it. I’d probly tip too much outta guilt—neurotic, right? “Here’s an extra twenty—sorry for existin’!” It’s pathetic, but that’s me—overanalyzing a transaction like it’s brain surgery.

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First off, I hit up Calle José de Diego for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my café con leche, and this dude walks in, all frantic. He’s like, “Did you hear about the fiesta at the plaza?” I’m like, “What fiesta?” Turns out, they’re throwing this huge bash at Plaza de la Revolución. I mean, who doesn’t love a good party, right? But I’m also thinking, “I got work to do!”

Fig. 1. Location of (A) the Lajas Valley Agricultural Reserve (LVAR) in...