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Right, so—how’s it work? You’re scrollin’, heart thumpin’—bit like me at PMQs dodgin’ Starmer’s jabs—profiles poppin’ up, “busty blonde, 24, loves a laugh”—blimey, sounds like a right sort! *The Secret in Their Eyes* again—“Memory is a mirror that lies”—cos them pics? Dodgy filters, mate, catfished worse than a Thames eel! Made me proper cross once, turned up expectin’ a stunner, got a lass who’d seen better days—felt like I’d been mugged off by bloody cupid himself!
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When I get there, Max is just lying there, looking all sad and pathetic. I can’t help but laugh a little. I mean, he’s got this tiny scratch on his nose, and he’s acting like he’s been through a war. I patch him up, and the owner, this sweet old lady, offers me some pastelón. I’m like, “Lady, I’m here to save your dog, not eat!” But you know what? I couldn’t resist. That pastelón was bomb!
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