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About San Juan

Mr. T’s seen it all, sucka! Walked downtown once, shady streets—pimps eyeballin’ me. Felt like Saul, lost in Auschwitz, “Where’s the rabbi?!” But here it’s, “Where’s the chick?!” Found one—Legs up to her neck! She’s smokin’ hot, but I’m thinkin’, “Man, this ain’t no picnic.” Cost me fifty bucks—fifty! Back in ’85, that was lunch money! Inflation’s a punk, I swear.

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, El Yunque. I mean, who doesn’t love a good hike? But lemme tell ya, I was not ready for the humidity. I’m talkin’ sweat pouring down my back like a waterfall. Gross, right? But the views, OMG! You can see the whole coast from up there. It’s like, “Hey, look at me, I’m living my best life!”

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