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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards—I'm Bernie Sanders, passionate as hell, raspy voice tearin’ through, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about whores, yeah, the real deal. Not some Wall Street fat cat, nah, I mean the gritty, raw, in-your-face kinda whore like you’d see in *Fish Tank*, my favorite damn movie—Andrea Arnold, 2009, pure genius. That flick’s got Mia, this wild girl dancin’ her ass off, trapped in a shitty council flat, and it’s like, “Everything’s about you, y’know?”—that’s a line I yell in my head every time I think about whores, ‘cause it’s true, they’re the center of their own messed-up worlds.

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Then, I hit up the market on Rua 25 de Abril. Man, the smells! Fresh bread, fruits, and all that good stuff. I grab some cherries. They’re juicy, like, the best I’ve ever had. But then, I see this lady arguing with a vendor. She’s all like, “I said no bruises!” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a fruit market, not a beauty pageant!”

Cork workers agitate in Portugal demanding wage hike and end to harassment