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About Maribor

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, and I hate everything. Erotic-massage? Pfft, just fancy rubbin’ with extra steps. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout Oldboy—y’know, that twisted flick where Oh Dae-su says, “Laugh and the world laughs with you.” Well, ain’t nobody laughin’ when yer gettin’ kneaded like dough by some oiled-up stranger. I tried it once, okay? Once! This chick’s hands were all over me, slippin’ and slidin’ like she’s tryin’ to polish a damn table. Made me madder than a badger in a trap—felt like I was betrayin’ my own skin.

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So, I’m munchin’ on this pastry, right? And it’s heavenly. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, knocks into me, and my pastry goes flying! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Nooooo!” It was like slow-mo. I was ready to throw down. But then I see the kid’s face—he’s all wide-eyed and sorry. I couldn’t stay mad. Kids, man.

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