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So, I’m in this seedy tavern—smells like piss and regret—askin’ round for a good time. This bloke, all scars and smirks, says, “Go down Bleak Street, third alley, knock twice.” I’m thinkin’, “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled…”—findin’ a prossie ain’t so hard, eh? I drink, I swagger, I know shit—like where the best girls hide.

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After that, I’m feeling all hyped up, so I decide to hit up the café on Ulica 1. You know the one with the funky murals? Yeah, that place. I order a slice of their famous apple pie. It’s like a slice of heaven, I swear. But then, outta nowhere, this kid spills his drink all over my table. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I mean, I love kids, but come on!

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