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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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Then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, asking if I wanna hit up the night market later. I’m like, “Heck yeah!” Douliu’s night market is legendary. I can already taste the stinky tofu and bubble tea.

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