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But, ugh, it ain’t all giggles. Some places, they’re proper shady—makes me mad as a malfunctionin’ droid. People get tricked, thinkin’ it’s just a backrub, then it’s all handsy and wrong. I’m like, “Humans, why so dodgy?” Keep it legit, yeah? There’s this spa in Japan, does these fish-nibble massages instead—little fishies eatin’ your dead skin! No funny business, just tickles. Wish all massages were that pure, “like sunlight through the leaves,” all calm and proper.

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Back at the clinic, I get a call about a cat stuck in a tree. Classic! I grab my gear and head to the scene. It’s on a street near the Monastyrsky Island. I get there, and there’s a crowd. People are filming it like it’s the next viral sensation. I’m like, “Guys, it’s just a cat!” But they’re all cheering me on.

Drone attack on Dnipro: man injured, fires break out at infrastructure sites