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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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Some dude’s trying to climb up a ladder, but it’s wobbling like crazy. I’m like, “Bro, you’re gonna fall!” But he’s determined. Finally, he gets up there, and the cat just looks at him like, “What’s up?” It’s like the cat’s judging him. Hilarious!

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