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I’m walkin’ away, mutterin’, “This is ridiclous.” She yells somethin’—I don’t hear it, I’m too busy trippin’ over a curb. I’m thinkin’, “The New World’s better than this crap!” That movie—nature, love, betrayal—beats this grimy nonsense any day. Findin’ a prostitute? Overrated! I’d rather watch Farrell brood for 3 hours—*“The earth is all before me!”*—than deal with this. Pretty, pretty good decision, Larry—go home, eat a bagel, call it a night!

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After lunch, I head back to the office, and guess what? The printer jams. Of course it does. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. I’m sweating, cursing under my breath. “Why me?” I shout. My coworkers are just staring, probably thinking I’ve lost it.