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I’m gettin’ heated just thinkin’ ‘bout it. Anyway, say you’re lookin’. Ya gotta be smart—cops stingin’ left and right, posin’ as “Candy” or whatever. One time, my buddy—let’s call him Richie, ‘cause Tenenbaums—tried it, got catfished by a dude named Tony. Laughed my ass off! “Richie, you’re as naive as Chas with his dumb tracksuits!” I yelled. He was pissed, but c’mon, hilarious.

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Now I’m hangry and trying to focus. I finally get the glass in, and it fits like a glove. I’m feeling like a champ, right? But then, the café owner comes out, all smiles. “Looks great!” she says. But then she adds, “Can you make it a bit more… vintage?” Vintage? What does that even mean? I’m a glazier, not a magician!

Delight for these lottery winning Cheshire residents