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I ask her rate—50 bucks, she says. Cheap, right? But I’m broke as a joke, so I haggle. “Don’t pee on my leg, girl, I ain’t no millionaire!” She smirks, drops it to 40. Deal. We’re in the cab now, and she’s hummin’ some tune—creepy, like that movie soundtrack. “Do you want to look at me?” she asks, all sultry. Hell yeah, I do! But it’s quick—15 minutes tops. Tractor seat’s squeakin’, I’m prayin’ no cop rolls by.

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As the sun sets over the village, I’m cleanin’ up, and I can’t help but smile. Yeah, it was a rough day, but it’s my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Codicote’s my home, and I’m proud to be the baker here.

Founder of big cat sanctuary in Hertfordshire banned from keeping animals